Please STOP Saying This!

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" isn't a bible verse.

But it is a great example of how Christians can take scripture and mix it with culture and demonstrate their Biblical illiteracy.

Today, I listened to Proverbs 13 in the English Standard Version (ESV) of the Bible thrice on the way to the office and verse 24 sounded familiar.

"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Instantly I thought of the familiar saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child" and what flooded my mine is how in my church child abuse is made light of. There have been plenty of instances when I've heard a pastor or whoever is speaking from the stage has bragged about how they endured harsh beatings as a form of discipline when they were children under the care of their parents, guardians or loved ones.

They claim that it was necessary punishment because it helped them to respect their elders and they encourage parents today to not withhold this type of discipline to ensure a "proper upbringing".

I STRONGLY oppose this view because it is founded on a saying that is not biblically accurate and does not distinguish child abuse and discipline. Also, when I've heard commentary from the pulpit about this saying, the emphasis is on the physical details of the beating, like the type of instrument that is used, the manner in which it is used and the physical impact on the body.

By no means am I saying that disciplining children by spanking them with something is wrong. What I am saying is that the Bible does NOT say "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Therefore if the Bible does not say this, we should not use this saying influence our discipline approach.

Lets use the true words of the Bible to come up with the correct approach. It's simple, all we need to do is read the verse.

The sayings in Proverbs are often organized in two contrasting parts that, when put together, help to bring clarity for the proverb. Kind of like 2 side of the same coin.

So if we take Proverbs 13:24, on one side if a guardian does not use their rod (or instrument for discipline) on their child, they are demonstrating that they hate the child. If we stop here, we can begin to understand that disciplining is a form of love - which is actually confirmed further in the verse. The guardian who loves the child will discipline promptly. In other words, the guardian disciplines the child quickly because they love them.

I really do believe love is the key word here in this verse. Not the rod or discipline. Love is the principle that drives the action of discipline that may come in the form of a rod.

So what of it? This verse is clearly not talking about spoiling children. It's not talking about physically abusing children to obey or submit. This verse is a call to love children. It's a call to display love through discipline.

And I believe that if children are loved (and thus disciplined) they will become individuals of understanding, who don't need a rod for discipline, and not fools.

"A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool" Proverbs 17:10 ESV

"A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the back of fools." Proverbs 26:3 ESV