I met with a therapist and this is what happened

Going to a therapist has become more accepted in the US. It's one of the positives that have come out of the COVID era.

I've supported therapy in word but in deed, I hadn't done anything for myself in that arena. And my wife has reminded me of this plenty of times 😐.

I had my excuses. I've never been before and I seem to be doing very well right now. Also this topic hasn't come up with the males in my family or friends. And of course there always is a money factor.

But the truth is that I still had fears about it.

There are plenty of unknowns and I was unsure if therapy would even be worth it for me right now.

However with 'encouragement' from my wife I picked up my phone and called my insurance provider to start my journey of therapy.

The Call

The representative took me through her required screening questions to better understand my call.

Gratitude filled my heart because she asked questions to see if I was in need of urgent mental care. (And I realized I could have used this years ago when I was dealing with depression.)

The rep also asked me if I had any substance or behavioral issues.

I was going to say no, but because of my past dealing with pornography addiction, I felt I needed to disclose this information if I truly wanted the therapy I needed, even though pornography doesn't have a current stronghold on me in this season. (Praise God for true accountability and Covenant Eyes!)

The representative scheduled an intake sessions with a substance abuse counselor.

Deep down I didn't think I needed a substance abuse counselor but I figured it was much better to just start somewhere with my mental wellness journey. So I kept the appointment and spoke with the therapist in person.

My first session

It was good speaking with the counselor, she was an older Caucasian woman, maybe in her 50s and was definitely experienced. She was graceful with her words and listened to my responses.

By the end of the meeting we both agreed that she wouldn't be the best fit for me, but she help give me some suggestions for finding a therapist and gave advice with how to handle my issues has it relates to sex.

1. Plan for temptation

Knowing your triggers is valuable because it allows you to better plan for the next time you may be triggered. She encouraged me to keep this is mind for the time I am susceptible to reaching for pornography to satisfy an internal desire.

For example, if being alone in a certain room is one of my triggers, she suggested that I don't allow myself to be in that room alone at all thus minimizing the opportunity to be tempted.

2. 8-22

Apparently when folks with addictions like mine are tempted, the desire for the substance last only between 8 and 22 minutes.

So if I can distract myself with an activity that causes me to use the thinking part of my brain, rather the primitive part, the desire would likely go away.

Although I didn't know about science part of this I've seen this work personally. Like going for a walk and letting my mine ponder creation. The desire really does go away.

3. Ham sandwich

I've known about this beforehand but it's still worthy of mentioning.

When needing to bring up concerns about intimacy with my wife, the therapist mentioned using healthy communication in the form of a ham sandwich.

Essentially communicate my concerns in the middle of providing encouragement or praise - like ham between two slices of bread.

She also mentioned to always use "I" and not "You" when sharing because nobody wants to be bigraded.

4. Psychology Today

PyschologyToday.com is a website that one can use to find therapist in their area.

And since my insurance provider is experiencing a high volume of mental therapy clients this site should be a great resource.

My next steps will be to search for a potential counselor that will be accepted by my insurance that I can me with individually. An hopefully I can find another who can meet with both me and my wife.